Let’s face it – we’ve all seen those plant parents who treat their leafy friends better than some people treat their children. But when it comes to visiting Michigan’s favorite cannabis destination, even the most dedicated plant enthusiasts might need a primer on proper dispensary etiquette.
The Art of Looking Like You Know What You’re Doing
We’ve all been there – standing in front of a perfectly curated display, pretending to understand the difference between indica and sativa while nodding thoughtfully like we’re analyzing fine wine. Pro tip: Nobody actually believes you when you say, “Ah yes, I detect subtle notes of forest floor with hints of grandmother’s potpourri.”
Common Dispensary Customer Types
1. The Encyclopedia: Walks in with a 47-page spreadsheet comparing terpene profiles across three state lines.
2. The Nervous Nellie: Whispers everything like they’re in a library that happens to sell cannabis.
3. The Time Traveler: Still tells stories about “that one time in Amsterdam” from 1998.
4. The Overenthusiastic Rookie: Takes 47 photos of everything and tags the location in every social media platform known to humanity.
Shopping Dos and Don’ts
DO:
– Ask questions (that’s what budtenders are for!)
– Browse the menu before visiting
– Keep your indoor voice inside
– Remember your ID (seriously, this isn’t a suggestion)
DON’T:
– Try to haggle like you’re at a flea market
– Ask if they can “hook you up” with extra anything
– Attempt to pay with cryptocurrency you just made up
– Bring your pet iguana (no matter how well-behaved)
The Exit Strategy
Remember, the proper way to exit a dispensary is not to wink excessively at everyone while moonwalking toward the door. A simple “thank you” will suffice. Save the interpretive dance moves for later.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re a cannabis connoisseur or a curious newcomer, remember that everyone was once new to the experience. The key is to relax, ask questions, and resist the urge to pretend you’re in a scene from a Cheech and Chong movie.
And remember, unlike that sad-looking houseplant you’ve been neglecting at home, the products at your local dispensary have been properly cared for by professionals. Maybe it’s time to show your succulents the same level of attention you give to choosing your cannabis products.